Baby it’s You
                              Rhalou Allerhand discovers what goes on behind the nurserydoors when adult babies come out to play.

There are a surprising number of people out there who get off on indulging in the seemingly peculiar activity of adult baby play, but hold your fire before passing judgment, because adult baby play or,
to use the textbook term, paraphilic infantilism isn’t asexual preference for children, but the urge to actually be a child. Whilst pretending to be a baby may seem like a particularly obscure idea of sexy fun, there’s more to adult baby play than meets the eye. The unique fetish often stems from wanting to be free of the responsibility of being an adult. One of the main fantasy elements connected with pretending to be an infant or a small child involves feeling sexually innocent and powerless, much like a baby. Adult babies often wear large-sized nappies, adult-sized clothing, toys and even sleep in a big cot to engage in mother and baby role play and to help define the role of a baby. Although the majority of infantilists are heterosexual males, female adult babies are not unheard of. Adult babies are also often known as diaper lovers, as while wearing their nappies they like to soil themselves.

Madame Amanda is an adult baby nanny who often attracts clients who ask for what some people might consider quite extreme requests, but she loves her work. ‘It’s not an occupation; it’s just my life. I get up in the morning have a crap and a bath, feed the dog, take my gorgeous daughters to school, pay all the shitty bills everyone has to pay and then get to be as dirty as I possibly can all day, and I love it.’ Although she runs two dungeons, Amanda’s business success is probably down to the fact she doesn’t consider her role as a mistress a chore. ’It’s not work and they’re not tasks, it’s

pure pleasure,’ she says. ‘I like to feel the sexual excitement in the room like a palpable beast; after all, if I didn’t get as turned on as my clients, what’s the point in doing it? Every day is a bit like opening an advent calendar and not knowing what’s inside. I believe you can take something positive from every experience and learn something new every day. I get the chance to indulge all my sexual fantasies and needs on a daily basis — now doesn’t that make me a lucky girl?’ Amanda became a mistress due to personal interest rather than the desire to make a fast buck. ‘I have always had my own needs, which were not exactly mainstream. From a very early age I remember having this drive that I didn’t understand, until I found a book in my parents’ room called Tropic Of Cancer, which used to make my tummy funny. I have always been turned on by things that I just knew my friends wouldn’t understand, so when I eventually got sick of looking for what I needed and not finding it, I did it myself. No one wants to feel condescended to. And it’s a fantastic way to meet people who are into what I’m into.’ Although she is a professional mistress, Amanda shies away from the clichéd leather clad dominatrix persona. ‘I am a sexually abusing mummy to my babies but don’t call me a pro domme, because I fucking hate the stereotypical names mistresses give themselves, like “goddess” etc. I am a normal woman with what the average person would call unusual dominant sexual needs.’ Amanda sees lots of adult babies, who engage in AB play for various reasons. ‘A lot of my babies are incredibly powerful men who, in their normal lives, make life altering decisions every day, so for some it’s about needing to step out of the loop and feel helpless, for others it’s about being humiliated or sexually abused and not being judged. I have one titled client whose nanny used to put him into bed with his old nappy as a comforter and he just likes to go in the cot and hum while he sucks on it.’ She continues, ‘I have another whose mum died when he was very young and his dad couldn’t cope and put him into care so he needs to feel the love he missed as a small boy, so there are literally 1001 reasons for being an AB.’ And Amanda is very diplomatic about the reasons why someone would choose to be an adult baby. ‘Do you feel any different inside now to when you were, say 15? Because I don’t. We all have a child inside us. I see loads of babies and every one is different. I love them all; in fact, some have become good friends and have met my family and come to my home. Many of the babies who visit her engage in AB play for sexual purposes, as she explained. ‘Some babies do like to be little satin sissy girls, others just like to wear nappies and soil them, but there is a more sexual side, too. I prefer not to call it the darker side — that makes it sounds like a fucking horror film and it’s not a darker side. The world in general wants to orgasm (although I must confess I don’t let some little sissies come; they get put into chastity). As a rule we all want to feel abandonment. I do encourage cocksucking (with a condom) in my nursery. Some little sissies need to feel dick in their face and I love making them do it.’ And some of her clients have quite extreme requests, which Amanda is happy to fulfil. ‘I have babies who want to be raped. I know that’s not a politically correct word, but you did ask for the truth. I also have women clients who are girl babies who want bisexual contact and as I’m bisexual I can assure you it’s a pleasure. They like to have their legs spread while nanny fingers and dildoes them while they are breastfed, but women generally find it very hard to open up and express themselves and find someone to trust. I know that from past experience.’  As Amanda has a personal policy about not discriminating against any of her clients, she often sees people other mistresses have turned away. ’I get clients who ring me with a real downer on themselves and ask me, “Will you see me because I’m disabled and I went to a mistress who laughed at me and turned me away?” or, “I’m old, I’m fat, I’ve had a colostomy, I have trouble orgasming but I still enjoy the scene,” and on and on. So fucking what! I wish people were not made to feel so bad about themselves. You don’t have to be young and gorgeous to have a fetish. Be proud of who you are; it’s what’s inside that counts. My oldest client is 92 and he’s just fab. I’m fat and kinky and my clients love my big fat arse. One of my clients says I’m his Rubenesque torturer and writes me poetry, so I am most definitely not perfect, but I get no complaints.’ Although she is prepared to fulfil some fairly risqué requests, Amanda still has her limits. ‘I’m afraid I have never been good at drawing lines; the only rule I won’t break is that nothing that happens between my clients and me affects either their families or their careers any way. I’ve also been asked to help someone commit suicide and cut someone’s balls off. I hasten to add I did neither.’ Fortunately, Amanda’s partner is very supportive of her work. ‘He accepts me for who I am and I have never hid my kinks from him. My mother-in-law has always called it “that business of yours” and almost had a nervous breakdown when she found out. She was madly concerned that her son was a transvestite and that I had perverted him. He isn’t, but I wouldn’t give a toss if he was.’ But Amanda offers an extremely discreet service and is very loyal to her clients, because she understands that not everyone in the world is as open-minded as she is. ‘I do I have several high profile clients but they come to me because they know I would cut out my tongue before I would disclose them. When someone comes to me they leave celebrity at the door. I don’t like divas and I am not in awe of anyone. We all do poopy-doops and we all die in the end.’

 

Emma-Jane, a male adult baby, was attracted to the concept of feeling like an innocent baby long before he knew that adult baby play existed as a fetish. ‘I have wanted to be a baby again for as long as I can remember. I was delighted to find the service was available, but the yearnings were there long, long before I found anywhere to express it.’ People are drawn to AB play for various reasons,

but for Emma-Jane it was related to divesting himself of all control and works as an antidote to his home and work life. ‘Partly it’s the lack of responsibility and worry that appeals to me, but partly it’s the sheer helplessness and lack of control. I like to be forced to behave like a very little girl, which removes the guilt. I love not having any control and not knowing what will happen next. Another major part of it is being able to do taboo things like mess a nappy, or to be publicly displayed dressed and behaving like a baby girl. The public reaction to seeing an adult baby on reins paraded down the sea front by nanny has to be priceless. ‘For many it’s about a break from responsibility, or worldly cares,’ he adds. ‘For others it is about recapturing a sense of belonging and a maternal relationship, real or imagined. For others it is the ultimate loss of power and humiliation. Of course for some it’s all three.’ Many adult babies actually choose not to engage in sex whilst in the baby rôle, since this isn’t characteristic of a small child. ‘Some adult babies just want to play baby, and some really want to be babies. Others want to be punished, or humiliated. It doesn’t always involve tasks of a sexual nature. Sometimes I just want to play with my dollies, or dress up or play games. It very much depends on the individual.’ For many, AB play is incorporated as part of a sexual game. ‘I particularly enjoy public humiliation, going out dressed as a baby in a pram or on reins and being taken to the park or the shops. I really enjoy wetting and messing my nappy, being given enemas, changed and being pissed on… I would like to be to be made up to be really pretty then have to suck a man off, whilst another pulls down my nappy and panties and takes me in the arse.’ AB play has links to BDSM and some people who participate do take it several steps further. ‘It can get quite extreme, such as being made to suck my mummy Amanda’s fresh bloody tampons and eat her nanny’s shit, as was being taken to a tattooist by mummy Amanda and permanently tattooed and pierced and then being photographed outside in the street. I would like to be permanently chastised (after all babies, don’t have sex). I would not have unprotected sex, though, or perform watersports with a stranger.’ But Emma-Jane maintains that it is always carried out between consenting adults and we should think before we judge them. ‘I have never dared to tell any previous girlfriends. I have told some very close friends, who were fairly understanding about it, but I would not tell my family. Most of them are quite conventional. It would be good if there was more tolerance of adult babies and other minorities; sometimes the scene is as bigoted, if not more so, than mainstream society. This would enable fewer individuals and companies to provide a crap service at high prices, just because they think no one dares risk the publicity of making a complaint. Hopefully we can move towards more tolerance of minorities like adult babies in the way that TVs are now almost mainstream.’ Due in part to the negative connotations associated with AB play, Emma-Jane is diplomatic about his unique fetish. ‘To anyone considering engaging in adult baby play, I would say try it by all means, but don’t take it seriously unless you are fairly sure it’s what you really want. It can be an expensive and much misunderstood.

Laura, a female adult baby, discovered AB play when she first started experimenting with her sexuality. ‘I became obsessed with other women’s breasts after I realised I was a bisexual. Then I suddenly found myself wanting to be breastfed and coddled like a pretty little baby. It was a revelation that struck me after I accepted that I was bisexual. I was just suddenly hit by the overwhelming urge to be breast fed. My boyfriend understood completely and spent the whole weekend searching every website he could find for a nanny who would breastfeed me. I made an appointment with Madam

Amanda, and I haven’t looked back since.’ The lifestyle appeals to her for various reasons. ‘There are two sides to my AB sexuality. One side is very passive and longs to be pampered and coddled whilst the other yearns to be bullied and abused, so the best thing is that Madam Amanda can abuse me after my loving nanny has tucked me into my cot.’ She continues, ‘I love being rocked in my nanny’s arms as I suckle her nipple. I suppose that it’s that part of us that wants to be a baby again, to let mummy cuddle us and sing us a lullaby. The soothing voice and the rocking and the sweet, loving kisses have always been a real turn on for me. But at the same time, I also love it when Madam Amanda is cruel to me.’ For Laura, adult baby play is extremely sexually arousing. ‘The moment I become an adult baby then I just can’t stop touching my pussy. I love being sexually abused by my nanny Amanda. And even when I’m wearing a nappy, I just rub myself from the outside. My favourite aspect of baby play is breastfeeding.’ Laura argues that the reason people choose to experiment with AB play is because it’s the ultimate form of submission. ‘As a baby, you have absolutely no control and your nanny’s completely in charge. If she decides that you’re a good girl/boy, then you can curl up in your nanny’s lap as she sings you a lullaby. But if you’re feeling hungry and thirsty, you have to wait ’til nanny spoon feeds you and gives you a bottle. You’re not even potty trained any more.’ But the main appeal for her is the vulnerability of her position as a baby. ‘The feeling of total submission and helplessness is a real turn-on for me, knowing that nanny can do anything to me and that I can’t do anything but cry. Because she’s the “cruel” nanny, Madam Amanda is the one who really abuses me. She sexually molests me in my crib (with my full consent), forces me to drink until I can’t help wetting my nappy and leaves me tied up and blindfolded.’ But on the whole, Laura’s adult play is fairly vanilla. ‘I don’t like extreme. I’m a sweet and helpless little baby. I draw the line at excessive pain, blood, etc, but a loving spanking is okay.’ Although she’s lucky that her partner is very accepting, like most adult babies Laura still has to be discreet about her fetish. ‘My boyfriend is incredibly understanding. He was the one who first helped me to accept the fact that I’m bisexual, encouraged me to explore my desire and found Madam Amanda for me as well. I am never open about this with my family and friends, though. I’m sorry to say that my family are intolerant bigots and so the thought of me being breastfed by another woman would make their heads explode.’ Laura hopes that society will eventually become more understanding of her unique fetish. ‘I’d like to see less categorisation and labelling,’ she says. ‘Submissive does not just mean humiliation and pain. Hopefully, more people will become willing to step forward and say what they want, what they like and stop being told that they must want to soil themselves because they like wearing nappies, etc. If you want to try AB play, you should figure out what you want and find the nanny/carer who’s right for you. I wanted to be breast fed, so there was no point going to see nannies who refused to do it.’ Arguably the best way to approach AB play, or life for that matter, was put most succinctly of all by Madame Amanda. ‘Don’t be ashamed to ask for and expect what you want and have a fantastic time. My personal rules are always put out what you want back, so don’t treat people like shit or you might just get it back, and live life lustfully and to the full because this isn’t a rehearsal and you’re a long time dead.’

To any wannabe babies looking for the ultimate nanny to nurse your alternative desires, go to www.amandom.com